Someone asked me a question this afternoon and I’m not sure I addressed it properly. The question was “Is all this change scary?”
And the answer is, “Yes and No.”
Change is always scary because it’s an unknown, it’s not at first comfortable, it may come with surprises, sometimes unexpected and unpleasant, and often it requires something more of us than we think we are capable of giving or doing or being. On the other hand, every day we greet change. Every day is a change from the day before in some way, even a small way, and sometimes big ways. A moment can bring change, good or bad or sad or joyful, so change impacts us all the time whether we realize it or not. Our lives are always changing in some ways, and with incremental change we seem to adjust and go with the flow. Big changes, however, require more of us, more fuss and notice and consternation and worry and fear. I think fear is the leader when it comes to change. We seem to naturally fear something different. Sometimes we should fear it, other times we just do for no good reason. So, yes, the big change comes with a set of scares that will eventually become the norms and give way to the incremental flow of day to day life with its usual flux of changes. Thinking of change in these terms helps me to be able to go forward. It’s iffy for now, but it won’t be iffy forever. There will be new iffy in time.
Overall, however, my answer is No. It’s not so scary when I rely on the Lord to see me through the changes. How do I do that, one might ask? My trust in God is based on my experience, my relationship, and my desire to love my Lord with all my heart, putting Him first and foremost in whatever happens in my life. Can it be disappointing at times? Yes. Can it hurt and ache and knock the breath out of me so that I wonder if the tears will ever end and I will learn to breathe normally again? Yes. Can I start to doubt myself, and wonder if everything I am doing is so out of tune that I’ll never get back in tune to who is truly me? Yes. And those are very real, very human feelings. Some of us don’t like to admit we have them. And can fear sometimes be stronger than reason and logic and allow our emotions to take a giant roller coaster ride? Yes, of course. But through those thoughts and feelings, in spite of them, there is a deep seated, tried and true, ever-abiding and hopeful faith that God will walk with me, stand with me, hold me up and even carry me. He will see to my needs. He will provide more than I can imagine. It doesn’t entirely banish the fears, but it does allow me to go forward with confidence, with some sort of indescribable peace, that my next steps are, indeed, the right steps.
I trust that the Lord who has an eye on the sparrow, also turns that eye upon me, and you, and every person He created and breathed into life. That love, that care and concern, tops it all. Scared and secure at the same time. I wonder if God smiles at that. I kind of think He does.